Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
