It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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