Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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