Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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