He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
