Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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