You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
