I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
