on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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