It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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