I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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