I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
