I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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