i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my shit smells like andre
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
