There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
