I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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