You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
