So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
