My boss' voice literally gives me gas
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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