dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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