May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
