its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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