Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
