It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
