It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
