I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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