I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
