i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
