just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
