Have you finally orgasmed yet?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Houston, we have a blender
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
