Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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