i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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