My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
