U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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