I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
