I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
