I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
