just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
