Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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