Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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