Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
