When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
