hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
