Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
