I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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