I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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