Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
