did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
