It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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