Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize