Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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