He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just high enough for therapy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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