guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
