i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
