apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
