I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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