Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
