tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
