just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
