At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
