Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
