Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
