okay pat passed out under dana's car
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
