I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
