Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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