you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
