i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
