4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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