walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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