Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
