Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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