i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
