so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We are two peas in an std pod
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
