I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
