Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
