the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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