So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
