you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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