His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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